Limited Teaser > amsterdamlivexxx

You know, I realize that a lot of the sex industry is based on illusion and outright deception, and I’ve resigned myself to that fact. After all, being who and what I am — which is to say, a cheap-bastard chat site reviewer who won’t ever pay to go private — I don’t have a lot of room to complain. I’m just here for the free teaser chat, see? Being a red-blooded American male, however, you just know I’m going to complain anyway.

What I want to know is, where does a site like AmsterdamLiveXXX get off? Not only does it lie to us all, the site architecture is atrocious. Somehow, time and again, it guzzles my computer resources the way I guzzle iced tea in the middle of a Texas summer — which is a lot. If you’ve tuned in to previous rants — er, I mean, reviews — you’ve heard me mention AmsterdamLiveXXX once or twice is less than stellar contexts. Well, in this review, you’ll find out why. I’ve been a-watching this site for a year now, and it hasn’t gotten any better.

Here’s what you’re presented with when you log on:

Booooring. What goes on inside isn’t much more exciting. There’s precious little nudity and not much free anything. If this were a Dr. Seuss book, it would go something like this: “I do not like this Amsterdam. I do not like it, Sam I Am.” And unlike the Green Eggs and Ham guy, I’ve actually had more than one taste of “this Amsterdam,” so I know for a fact I wouldn’t like it a) in a box, b) with a fox, c) here or there, or d) anywhere. In fact, the site reminds me of that old joke where the guy goes into the bar and orders 12 shots of whiskey, and explains to the bartender that he’s celebrating his first blowjob. The bartender asks, “But why so many drinks?” and the guy says, “I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth.” Get the point? No, I’m not gay, dammit. I just can’t get the taste of this site out of my mouth.

Uh, no.

This, clearly, is going to be a cathartic spleen-venting day for your old buddy Chris. Let’s start with the ludicrous name. Just give up any illusion of chatting with lovely loose ladies from Amsterdam right now, because the AmsterdamLive house, where the action’s set, is actually located in the Czech Republic. Right there — that’s some of that illusion I talked about earlier, remember? That would be easy to forgive that if the site had decent free teaser chat, but it doesn’t. The free chat exists, ostensibly, but it’s on the short side, lasting maybe five minutes if you’re lucky. Plus, if you want to chat with one of their girls, you have to go through this complex sequence of registering your user name. Half the time the girlz then proceed to ignore you, and the other half your system just crashes before they can do that. And all that for middling image quality that’s not even as good as the ones on timewasters like 247live and 2lips, which do less than impress.

Here’s my biggest beef with AmsterdamLiveXXX: something about the architecture or engine or whatever they use to run the site just gloms onto my system’s resources like a virus and won’t let go. I’ve got a screamingly-fast DSL internet connection, and a laptop that, if not top of the line, isn’t an e-Machine either. I almost never have any technical problems with other sites, but that’s not the case here. The individual chat rooms and other junk they offer take too long to open — and they use up so many resources while doing so that I can’t even multitask, for Pete’s sake! It’s not like I’m trying to play Neverwinter Nights on the side; heck, I can’t even type notes in Microsoft Word. That’s ridiculous, that is. Flirt4Free and iFriends never cause these problems, and they’re huge. On top of all that, AmsterdamLiveXXX tends to cause my system to crash regularly.

One more thing, and it’s something that I never thought I’d say in a chat-girl site review. Now, I’ve always respected women, especially these girls who have the guts to put it all out there in front of the camera; and frankly it’s a truism that I find most scantily-clad women attractive, even if they aren’t Native Americans. That’s why this next statement comes as a surprise, even to me. While there were some lookers on this site, most of the girls looked like they were doing their best to be unattractive. Some were just plain repugnant, and so uninterested in what they were doing that I couldn’t bear to watch. As for the rest, I swear, some of them looked downright scary, and not in a good way. All of which makes me a Saaaad Panda.

What else can I say?

Supposedly, there’s a bunch of pre-recorded video available on AmsterdamLiveXXX, along with recordings of the parties they have in their “SinCity House,” as well as some nude and voyeur rooms…but who cares? This isn’t a site you should bother with if you’re a fan of free teaser chat. It doesn’t have anything worthwhile to offer, and those parts of the site probably would open anyway. Here’s the final score: of all the chat sites I’ve visited in my day, this one is at the bottom of the list — and it’s not just because you’ve caught me on a bad day. I’ve visited the site many times, and I’ve never been impressed. There’s too little free chat, too many unattractive girls, and way too many problems with the interface. Unless you’re a masochist, AVOID THIS SITE. Now that I’ve finally steeled myself to write this review, I surely will from now on.

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