If you’ve ever read any of my reviews on this site (and I certainly hope you have), then you know that I’m all about getting as many free goodies as I can from the lovely ladies I encounter on my favorite adult chat sites. I’ve even told you exactly how to go about it: check out my previous tips article, Getting the Most Value Out of Free Teaser Chat, for more details. As I point out in the very first line of that article, ain’t nothin’ better than free, and that article will give you the skinny on various ways to cajole the last erg of free sexual energy out of the chat lovelies you encounter.
But allow me to point out that such sexual manipulation does have its limits. Chat girls are more than just sex objects; they’re people first, and they like to be reminded of that. I may be a cheap bastard, but even I know you should treat a hardworking chat girl like a lady. Not only is it good manners, it’s the best way to get the most of your chat (free or otherwise). I realize that many of us who frequent these sites think that since these young ladies are being paid to sex us up, we can treat them as we may. Au contraire, mom frère. Effective chat girl etiquette is all about good behavior on your part, both directly and indirectly.
First of all, don’t be a dick. Didn’t your Mom teach you any manners? These girls have feelings. If you mistreat them, they’re perfectly within their rights to metaphorically kick you in the balls and run away. Even if you think the girl deserves a choice word or two, even if she’s ignoring you or treating you like dirt, take the moral high ground and remain civil. You don’t have to come off as a pussy, but keep your cool. Why? Three reasons. One, it’s absurdly easy to go away and find another girl to have fun with; two, you won’t end up banned; and three, you may just acquire a reputation as a cool character a girl can get loose and enjoy herself with.
A word of caution here. As many of you nice guys know, some women take polite treatment as a sign of weakness, and will try to take advantage of it. For Pete’s sake, don’t let them — unless, of course, you’re one of those pervs who likes being treated like crap, in which case you should probably be shopping at Mistress Diana’s House of Humiliation anyhow. If not, then why put up with begging and manipulation? There are other fish in the digital sea. As all those doped-up rock stars used to tell us on MTV, just say no. You don’t have to be rude to be firm — and the girlies just might respect you for it.
I’m going to tell you a secret here, guys. I may be a miser, but only when it comes to money — never with compliments. Words are free, even if you can’t type worth a damn. Compliment your chat girl regularly. Tell her how hot she is, how beautiful her eyes are, hell, even how perky her nipples are. You don’t have to be crude, incidentally, to be effective; these girls have heard it all, sure, but they still like being treated with respect. “Baby, you have magnificent breasts,” is surely going to go over better than “OMG U have headlights like a ‘57 Buick!” (Plus, you lessen the chance of her breaking the mood by laughing her ass off.) And don’t tell me you’re not good with compliments. The minute you can’t come up with a decent compliment for a half-naked lady on a moment’s notice is the day you should hand in your Y-chromosome.
You know what really pisses off chat girls? Jerks who “come and go.” Hearken unto these words of wisdom, fellas: a real gentleman never just gets offline once he gets off. The least you can do for a girl who actually takes off her clothes and touches herself for you is to thank her for her efforts. You may argue that this isn’t necessary, since, after all, she’s getting paid. Sure she is — but so what? When you help someone out at work, don’t you like to be appreciated? A quick word of thanks is a supplemental emotional payment for what you’re paying her in dollars. Think of it this way: saying “thank you” is easy, it doesn’t cost you anything, and if you have to be mercenary about it, it’ll make her more kindly disposed toward you when you come back for more.
If you really want to impress her, thank her with a tip. You don’t have to be too lavish — in fact, I’d recommend against that — but a dollar here and there can work wonders, especially if you know you’ll be back.
In some cases, effective chat girl etiquette has nothing to do with how you talk to the girls; it starts before you even turn on the computer. If you’ve got any sense, you won’t stumble into a girl’s chat room without having a least a general idea of what you want. In adult chat, more than in most venues, time really is money — so don’t waste it by fiddling around. If you pay for the time, most chat girls are perfectly willing to do whatever you want within certain broad guidelines; but if you pay just to talk (which you can usually do for free, incidentally), you’re not going to have much money left for the three-finger slide or whatever it is that trips your trigger.
There’s no need to be rude about it, but don’t hesitate to set some guidelines from the word go. Tell your chat girl what you want, and ask her what she’s willing to do. Don’t beat around the bush — you should let her do that, heh heh. If you’ve got access to free teaser chat, all the better; you can hammer out an accord before you even get started. Fair warning: some chat girls aren’t going to like the direct method. After all, the longer they can keep you on line, the more money they make. If you’re forthright, they might tell you you’re being rude, that you’re moving too fast. If that’s the case, you’re talking to the wrong girl.
To those of you who would argue that this approach reduces the act to a business transaction, all I have to say is, “Well, duh.” If you’re paying for something, you’re buying it. You might as well make sure you’ll get something you’ll appreciate. As much you might like to maintain the illusion that you’re on a date, you’re not. If she’s digging in her heels, politely inform the young lady you’re pulling out (so to speak), and look for another girl who strikes your fancy. The new girl may be more willing to offer, in the words of the Toby Keith song, a little less talk and a lot more action.
If that seems too cynical for you, then may I ask what you’re even doing on an adult chat site? Now, I respect the girls who do this kind of work immensely, but make no mistake: it’s work. Some of them do it partly for the fun, but they’re mostly doing it for the money. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but while your favorite chat girls might become fond of you, they do not love you, no matter how many times you cyber. Learn to live with the disappointment, or you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak. But keep it loose and treat the ladies right, and you’ll never lack for lovin’.
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