Sometimes, all the stars come together in their courses, and I find a nice adult chat site that just tickles my stingy little heart in all the right ways. When things don’t go so hot, I’m presented with a site that’s so frightfully expensive that it makes me clutch my chest in fear of outraged cardiac arrest. It’s not everyday that I find a site that does both at the same time. It just so happens that HispanoLive is only the second such site I’ve encountered since I started reviewing adult chat sites.
A Little of This, a Little of That
Allow me to explain. As my regular readers well know (we’re up to eight of you now, I believe?), the whole point of me ever perusing an adult chat site is to see how much free teaser chat, video, and other goodies I can get out of it. I usually don’t pay for anything when I can avoid it; I’m a cheap bastard that way. That’s why I lurve sites like Flirt4Free, with its unlimited free chat, and run screaming from sites like JuicyNetwork and CamContacts, which are about the worst there is when it comes to per-minute rates.
Or at least they were until HispanoLive entered my life. I’ll go into this in more detail later, but the reality of the situation is that HispanoLive charges more per-minute for romps with its babes than any other site I’ve seen. It’s even got JuicyNetwork beat all hollow, which is really hard to do, and despite the fact that it’s just JuicyNetwork in more expensive clothes. Oh, yes. Even the performers are all the same.
So What’s the Catch?
The only thing about HispanoLive that doesn’t make me close down my browser and fire up PokerStars instead is the fact that, just like its Siamese twin, it has hellaciously good free chat. How good? Well, nearly Flirt4Free good, actually. Not all the active performers offer it, but among those who do, it just goes on and on until someone takes the girl into private chat, or they go off shift. Sure, it’s shared chat, and you’re unlikely to get more than a fleeting glimpse of nudity, but it’s worth taking advantage of when Flirt4Free’s down for maintenance, or when you just feel like chatting with cute, exotic girls from all over the world.
The chat client used varies from good to very good, and you get your chat in broadband, which is soooo much better than that jerky crap you get on some sites. And as for the membership that’s required? The catch isn’t there, either. It’s entirely free, and doesn’t even ask for marketing info. All you have to give ‘em, besides your username and password, is a working email address so they can email you a PIN number you need to get in.
A Tad Annoying
Two minor criticisms here. First of all, there’s not a very large selection of girls on at any time, ever. The maximum number I ever counted was twenty or so, and not all those are free. Some of the ones who aren’t are supposed to be porno stars (apparently French), but if they are then I have to say that the French have a much different understanding of the terms “sexy” and “young” than I do. Stick to the free girls; they’re much more attractive fare. Sorry, Estrellas De Porno, I gotta call ‘em as I see ‘em.
Here’s my second minor gripe. Ostensibly, these girls here are 100 percent Spanish. Well, au contraire, mon frere – or to translate that into Texas English, Bullshit. Spanish? I think not. French, maybe. Some of them don’t even speak Spanish, according their profiles.
The Real Pisser
But all those things are the merest trifles when compared to the sheer outrageous cost of the site. At the very least, you’re going to have to pay the equivalent (in Euros yet) of nearly $6.00 a minute for chat. Hell, that’s enough for a meal at McDonald’s. Some people I know don’t make $6.00 an hour (yeah, the minimal wage is still $5.85 an hour in Texas. Bummer.). Here’s how this BS works: you can start with the Bronze Package at $62 for 9 private minutes (almost $7.00 per minute), or economize by buying the 41-minute Ultimate Package for — get this — $242, or just $5.93 a minute. The Silver and Platinum packages fall between these two extremes. Sorry, no Gold.
Pay these rates? In the words of the great Wayne Campbell, “Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.”
The Last Hurrah
So okay, HispanoLive is a site with decent production values, and it does offer indefinite chat. Like I said — it’s a great place to spend time chatting with cute girls when you don’t have anywhere sexier to go. But their private chat is just Too. Damned. Expensive. For what I’d pay for a minute here, I can get more than ten minutes at ExtasyCams. For the cost of five minutes here, I can buy at least an hour-long porno video full of pliant little vixens who’ll go all the way for me in every way possible. Oh, and they’d be willing to perform for me again and again until the DVD wore out! Maybe I wouldn’t be able to talk to them, but who the hell cares?
Try this: HispanoLive
aka: hispanolive -Hispano-Live -Hispano Live
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